New Poems Book One by Charles Bukowski

Author:Charles Bukowski
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781448114412
Publisher: Virgin POD

THE LONGEST SNAKE IN THE WORLD

I parked outside, nice and shady, walked in.

I had a 2 p.m. appointment.

they took me right away, no waiting.

led me to a special room.

the doctor had a little smile.

the nurse looked bored.

“please take off your clothes,” she said.

I stripped.

“have you ever had one of these examinations before?” the Dr.

asked.

“no.”

“well, you’re in for a treat.”

“assume the position,” said the nurse,

“on the chair.”

there was a specially made

chair.

I climbed onto it.

they strapped my wrists down.

my ass was up in the air.

“it isn’t going to hurt,” said the

doc. “we’re just going to take a look around

inside of you, there’s a light on the

end of this coil and it lets us see inside, it even allows

us to take photos, we slide this tube right up into your

intestine.”

is it too late to change my mind? I asked myself.

my mother-in-law had told my wife

that she had been through the same

procedure and that

there was nothing to it, nothing to worry

about.

she was always so helpful.

“now we’re going to slide this up into your

intestine, you’ll feel a little something but

don’t worry …”

“right now?”

“right now. we’re going in slowly … slowly …”

“you can breathe,” said the nurse.

“thank you.”

“this will be over so quickly you won’t even

know we’ve done it,”

said the doc.

“but you’ll bill me anyway …”

“the office will bill you. now, a little further …”

I imagined my white-haired mother-in-law crouched in

the same position, trying to act brave and

dignified.

a good girl, a good old girl.

nobody like her.

“umm hmmm,” I heard the

doctor say.

“keep breathing,” said the nurse.

“now we’re coming out,” said the doctor.

“coming out now, slowly …”

I had noticed the long tube coiled around the

large spool. there was a lot of intestine to examine in the

average human

being.

“we’re finished,” said the doctor.

“are you relieved?”

“oh, yeah!”

the nurse handed me a handful of

tissue.

“please clean yourself and get dressed.”

I did that.

then I sat there waiting, staring at

the thick black tube coiled on the big

spool.

after a while the doctor walked back

in.

he was holding a piece of

paper.

“is ‘Chinaski’ Polish?” he

asked.

“it might be but I was born in

Germany.”

“you now live in Palos Verdes?”

“San Pedro.”

“San Pedro?

do you like it there?”

“doctor, for Christ’s sake! do I have

cancer or not?”

“no, but you do have internal

hemorrhoids.”

“that’s fine with me.”

“you should have them taken care

of.

we use rubber bands.”

“rubber bands?”

“yes, we tie them in there and when

the bands dissolve the hemorrhoids

are gone.”

“I don’t think I’ll bother.”

Driving back home

my ass didn’t hurt at

all.

I punched on the radio, punched

in the lighter.

the lighter jumped out and I put it

to my cigarette.

there was a red light ahead.

I stopped.

there were 4 cars ahead of me

and a couple

behind.

and thankfully none of them knew a damned

thing about what had happened to

me and they never

would.

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